He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
this boner is exhausting
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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