I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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