why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
