Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
