If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
