You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize