i'm lost and i look like a hooker
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
