I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
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