I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
