a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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