Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
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