break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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