goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
