Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
