I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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