Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
