I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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