I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
