This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
