so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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