I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
