So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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