So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
