Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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