Your face is a jimmy john
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
