apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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