just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
