He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
