i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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