real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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