i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize