Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
