well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
