also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I just forgot I was standing up.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
