i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
