At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
