It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Randomize
