And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
