I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
