the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
