I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
He's on the porch naked. Help.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
