She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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