she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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