4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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