Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
