Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
