If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
