I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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