Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
