we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
