I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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