you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I could fuck to npr.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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