I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
