she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
