some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
