I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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