this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize