Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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