To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
