I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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