she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
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