I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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