dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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