You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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