I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize
