Is it normal to miss your booty call?
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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