I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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