just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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