ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
pop tarts are not kleenex
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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